I looked in the mirror tonight and saw my hands and my first thought was "my hands are fat."
I have never thought an ugly thought about me in months.
But lately since we, no I faded.. Negative thoughts began to cloud my head.
Like a black cloud following me around the past three weeks.
I remember Friday it was pretty bad. Apparently I looked like I was going to cry. Random people came up to me asking if I was okay. Jessie from Journalism actually hugged me and told me "what ever it is, it's going to be okay."
I did feel like crying.. But I held it in and blasted the music again and it went away.
Thursday when I shot volleyball it was worse. I don't know what was wrong with me. I went home and just broke down and my mom was horrified. I refused to eat and she sat where I was for a long time.. Hoping to get an explanation.
I don't know what's going on with me.
I don't want you to read these and just keep hanging out with me just because you feel bad for me.
I hate hanging out with you now because I'm so depressed and you are always so happy and I come around and just bring you down.
I don't want to be in your way anymore.
You just made me so happy this past year I never encountered an ugly thought because you always made me feel beautiful and happy.
But now, since I have been pulling away, the happiness that you gave me has been drawing away too.
But please, please, do not read this and feel bad for me.
I'm just venting here and the last thing I want is for you to be sad because of me.
You do not need a depressed girl in your life and I'll be fine.
I'll try to get better.
I will try.
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