I can't even believe I felt sorry for you.
I can't BELIEVE I gave myself crap.
I have done everything for you and you have done NOTHING but give me a sympathetic smile.
I'm so sorry that I care for you! I'm sorry I try to spend time with you!
I'm sorry to BURDEN you with my sensitivity.
You know what the school is saying now? Thanks to your friend that you told about Friday, he told Sharon and now the whole group knows and more. And Sharon! Sharon is all Starstruck by you as every teenager is. She's been glued by your side ever since I have been gone. So my replacement. Ashleigh (& I others) has been "ooh Sharon! Now Miranda's gone, it's your turn to get Austin!"
You know how that makes me feel? Like a piece of trash.
So now is a great opportunity for girls to get at you because the big burden is gone.
If you think I'm kidding ask Ashleigh. She was telling Chio "why is Sharon waiting around? Now is her chance!"
It's so not fair because I knew Sharon kind of liked you when we were getting close and I made sure she was okay with it. I knew she respected that because she got over you for awhile. But now apparently the opputunity arrived.
I'm just upset that Sharon, who is my friend, would actually want to be with you. That's like a rule. Friends never be with a guy that a friend has had history with. It's a rule. Ask any girl.
But whatever right? It's just A guy. We are just friends. It's just friendship. Whatever.
I'm just disappointed. Plus it wouldn't be fair cause you made it clear to me you didn't want to date until college and you settle down. If you date Sharon or anyone, it'll literally be the biggest sword you stabbed in my back.
I would've waited for you Austin. You bet millions on that. I would've waited until you went grey.
But lately you have been telling me that you aren't worth it.
I don't deserve a guy who wouldn't even jump a puddle for me when I crossed oceans.
I don't deserve that.
You never appreciated the fact I gave you every single part of me. You read this blog and think I'm just being dramatic but I'm not, Austin. I mean everything.
A week ago I would've put myself in front of a gun for you.
I would've. But I'm a stupid foolish girl. I still would. Even after all this crap and hell you have put me though.
Just ignore me! Just don't mind this sensitive girl who is hopelessly devoted to you.
If you are planning to stab my back, please do. Why not? I'm already broken. You're not gonna hurt me anymore. You can't break a heart that has been broken already.
There's nothing you can do for me anymore.
I have been broken so many times by you that I'm used to it.
So please! Continue. I'll give you the knife.
You know what's pathetic? After you kick me and shove me and stab me, I'll still say sorry. I'll still be in love with you. That's how pathetic and stupid I am. And I hate myself for that and I hate you.
So please do me the favor of making my life more miserable.
Here's the knife.
No comments:
Post a Comment